Grandma Biscuits Perspective on the NICU
With today being National Grandparents Day my momma is sharing ... A Grandma’s perspective of NICU
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The feelings were many—joy, grief, pain, love and fear are just some of what I felt. And those emotions could happen all at one time. There were times I felt completely out of control and just didn’t know what to do.
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This wasn’t quite the way I pictured it all. I had pictured the grandparents and family waiting in the waiting room and celebrating our babies arrival. Instead, because of Covid, we were in a dark, cold parking garage in the middle of the night full of fear and anxiety knowing this may not be a good outcome. All I could think was how much I wanted to be with Brooke and Travis during such a difficult time, supporting them. Thankfully, I did get in the hospital and will share that story with you one day. It was just one of our little miracles that day.
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Pushing Brooke into the NICU to see Isaiah the first time was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I stepped back and watched Brooke and Travis unite while Isaiah’s medical team frantically cared for him. I knew as a nurse, the situation was critical. I was overwhelmed and the tears flowed. Only a few minutes later I felt an arm go around me, it was the chaplain, and she asked, “Are you Brooke’s mom?”. I nodded, barely able to speak. She held me and allowed me to cry and express my fears. Then she lovingly said, “Now go in there and be Brooke’s mom.” It woke me up, it gave me direction. Suddenly, not knowing what to do turned into knowing how to be mom and take care of Brooke and Travis so that they could take care of their boys.
So, my advice to grandparents during their NICU experience is to be a parent to your child. Be there if you can. Provide rides, meals, hugs, prayers and an ear when they need to talk. By listening, you will hear what they need or want, even when they don’t directly or specifically say it. It’s also important to know your boundaries. Remember to encourage them to bond as a family, support that in anyway. You can give advice and help them make decisions but allow them to decide. Respect their knowledge and roles as parents themselves. Celebrate with them over small victories. I would tell them things like, “we’re going to have a 3 lb party when Bryce hits 3 pounds”. Of course, we didn’t have a party but we celebrated the small victories with them when we could (and sometimes with ice cream!).
Be supportive and positive so that your children can be the parents they need and want to be. It’s wonderful watching your children become parents, to see their hearts grow. Be there to hold them when their hearts are broken and know it’s okay that your heart breaks too. I can honestly say that one of the best blessings I have ever received is being a grandma to our late Isaiah and our sweet Bryce and being a part of their journey.
