Micah Nolan

Micah Nolan Amos was born on June 24th , 2021. He cried out so strongly moments after he was

delivered via C-section. I got a small glimpse of him and my husband took some photos before he was

whisked away to CHKD’s nicu. The reason? Well, Micah was born 3 months too early at 26 weeks + 4

days. There was more that lead up to him being born that early. The first and second trimester was filled

with worry that we would lose him. Between bleeding from 5 weeks on due to a subchorionic

hematoma and my water breaking just shy of 18 weeks, there was a lot to worry about.

At that point, we were sitting in Norfolk General and were told that I could go into labor at any moment.

There wasn’t anything they could do to save him being only 18 weeks at the time. I was warned about

the risk of infection and it only increased our worry. We got to see him on an ultrasound and despite

everything, he was wiggling around. He was thriving despite the circumstances. I quickly searched for

PPROM support groups (preterm premature rupture of the membranes) and found a saying that our

family held onto. If there’s a heartbeat, there’s hope. From that moment on, we knew that no matter

what we were told, we would choose life for our baby. From that moment on, I knew I couldn’t do this

alone. I’ve been a believer since I was a child, but going through this journey, I had to completely put my

faith in Jesus Christ.

Due to the complications of my now high-risk pregnancy, I was transferred to a maternal fetal medicine

practice at Norfolk General. One week passed and then another, there was still no sign of labor or

infection. The doctors hoped since my leak seemed to be high that the amniotic fluid would fill back up

but it barely did. They were, however, very glad that I never got an infection. Things were starting to

look up once I got to 22 weeks and then that’s when we made the plan for me to be admitted. The long

term goal was to get me to 34 weeks to deliver, the short term was just trying to make it to the third

trimester. Every day inside was the very best for him. I was admitted at 23 weeks well expecting to be

staying on the antepartum floor for 11 weeks. It was a huge adjustment for our family. At the time, I was

a stay at home mom to 3 kids. My husband’s job was very supportive, letting him take the time to be

home with our kids and when he did have to work, our families were there for us. It was a relief on my

mama heart to know my kids were cared for, especially since I could only see them on facetime or if I

was wheeled out to visit outside.

At 26 + 3 days, I had some major bleeding and I went down to labor & delivery to be put on mag in

hopes of stopping it. This wasn’t the first time I had to take the nasty stuff so I was better prepared for

it. My doctors were beginning to think that my placenta was detaching and there was talk about having

a c-section. The next morning it was confirmed. Micah needed to come out while we were both still

stable. I was prepped and around 1:45 on June 24th , he let out such a loud cry for being so tiny. Weighing

2 pounds, 3 ounces and measuring 13 inches long, he was just perfect. I got to see him for a moment

before he was taken to CHKD’s nicu where he was in good hands.

My husband, Jesse, went up to visit him once I was settled in recovery and took some more photos of

him. He had a club foot from being so restricted in movement and we found out that his lungs never

developed past 18 weeks. He would need to be in the nicu for a very long time. The doctors and nurses

were fantastic at explaining things to us. Despite it all, we were just mesmerized by the miracle he was.

His foot fit in the palm of our hands, he had the daintiest fingers and toes, and dark brown hair sparingly

covered his head. He looked so much like our oldest son, just much skinnier. I watched Jesse change one

of his tiny diapers and one time he kicked my hand with all his might.

We were preparing for a long nicu stay and the journey that came with it. Micah already had a couple of

ups and downs during his short stay but the worst of it was yet to come. On his fourth day of life, a chest

tube had to be placed to help him but due to a small hole in his lungs (a complication that no one could

have seen) things started spiraling. At this point, I had been released and was at home. I got the call that

just filled me with dread. “You need to come to the hospital right now.” I told my husband and after

calling his parents to get someone to come stay with the kids, we drove up there. It was about a fifteen

minute drive but it felt like forever. Jesse prayed over Micah as we sat at a stop light and I remember

just praying the same words over and over. Please let my baby be okay.

When we arrived upstairs in the nicu, we just knew. My husband and I were brought back, the outside of

his room just crowded with staff as well as the inside. When we came in, we saw that his isolette was off

and they stopped working on him. Machines were turned off and I remember being spoken to by a

doctor but I could barely take my eyes off my helpless little boy. They explained what happened briefly

so that we could hold him. Someone placed him in my arms. A sweet nurse took one of our phones and

took photos for us. Tears came quickly as reality set in. My husband and I loved on him until a doctor

came to check his heartbeat. He was gone. We believe Micah passed away in my arms.

I’m not sure how long we were in his room but after a little bit, we were told about the family room. I

remember nodding, saying I wanted to go there. I held him as I was wheeled into the room. The first

thing I remember about it was the dandelion on the wall. Just having a c-section four days prior, I had

been suffering from an awful spinal headache and being able to lay in that bed with Micah helped so

much. I held him close, singing all the songs he must have heard me sing to his big brother while I was

pregnant with him. This is the room where we spent our time holding him, loving on him, making

memories and taking photos. We called our families in that room, we cried, and dressed him. Three out

of four of his grandparents got to hold and meet him. It was in that room that we dedicated our sweet

Micah Nolan back to the Lord. It was the hardest day of my entire life and if I could go back, I would

spend every second there again. I would stay longer if given the chance, just to kiss his sweet face again.

His story didn’t end with the healing we had hoped for. It didn’t end the way we expected, in fact, his

story hasn’t ended at all. God did answer our prayers. He did heal Micah, just not here on earth. Micah

got the greatest gift of eternal life in Heaven with our Savior. While we went from preparing for a long

nicu journey to planning a funeral, we were not alone. God was there with us through every moment.

He comforted us, provided for our family, and I knew Micah was in the best hands. Throughout my trials

in my pregnancy, the song ‘He’s got the whole world in His Hands’ really stuck with me. It’s what I sang

to myself when anxiety got to be too much. Now He’s got my baby in His Hands and one day I’ll get to

hold Micah Nolan again.

We’re now coming up on his second heavenly birthday. Some days are harder than others. Some days

are full of joy and grief. On those days, God is still good. When it gets hard, He is still good. I know this

because one day we’ll see unity in Heaven and right now, we’re one day closer.